Update of Honey's coming to America

« on: February 25, 2002, 05:00:00 AM by Bear»
Well I guess it’s time for a follow-up.   I can imagine most of you are wondering how Honey is adjusting so here it is….

At 1st I spent a lot of time just driving her around and introducing her to friends and family.  The family appeared to take to her pretty good but then they have tapered off and haven’t said much since then.  The “ex” still doesn’t know she’s here.  The members of my church took to her very well but it was even much more than I expected.  We had a party for her like we do most new members and had the largest turn out I have observed in my 20+ years of membership. My friends at the flea market liked Honey but we haven’t been back that way since the 1st week.   We tried to look up some other Filipinas and went to visit Troy and Anne (of Mag-Anak) who has been here in the Baytown area for right at a year.  JeffT’s girlfriend (also Mag-Anak) isn’t here yet but we are hoping soon because he lives only a few miles from us.

An interesting thing about the flea market though was we found some plaques that detailed what your name meant.  My name Arthur means “Bear” in Celtic – who would have guessed that?

I have driven her all over the Houston area due to the cold weather including downtown, medical center, Galleria, Baytown, NASA/Clearlake, Galveston, Greenway, Greenspoint, Loop and Beltway, etc.  She found Houston to be very beautiful and clean like I first reported.  We went to the Zoo/Herman Park but since it was cold we didn’t really get to enjoy it much.  Another weekend I brought her back to the Houston Museum of Natural Science.  I do not think she thought dinosaurs really existed until she saw skeletons of a t-rex and brontosaurus.  We got to see real Egyptian mummies and relics and sat through a presentation of the close in solar system and what the different planets looked like from their surface.  We also went to an IMAX theatre (an 80 ft. movie screen where you sit a lot closer that a normal movie screen) and watched a documentary on what else? – Bears.

I took her to Galveston and we walked along the seawall and out on some of the jetties.  But once again the weather was really too cold to enjoy it.  Since it was too cold we skipped walking the Strand District (a restored old town area with lots of open markets) – I’ll take her there during the warmer weather and when they have “Dickens on the Strand” when everyone dresses up like their favorite Dickens character.  We also skipped Mardi Gras.   She loved riding the ferry but she was deathly afraid at first.  But once out on the water she loved it.

We have been to most of the popular malls here in Houston but not near all of them – there are just too many.  We also go to a lot of movies and she really likes the “love” seats that AMC movie theatres have.  I am amazed that movies have changed so much for me.  I can see a movie that I saw years ago and it’s all new for me now because I get to hear her views afterwards of what we saw.  She liked “Kate and Leopold”, “The Count of Monte Cristo”, “Brotherhood of the Wolf”, “Snow Dogs” and “The Lord of the Rings”.  Watching TV is amazing.  She won’t even turn it on unless I am home to choose what we watch – this really blows me away!!!  I usually end up spending hours explaining many of the things we watch.  Her favorite TV show is Smallville (Superboy for those of you who do not read DC Comic books).  I think her second favorite is Beethoven – the movie about the St. Bernard.  I keep telling her that Houston isn’t a place to have a St. Bernard or Alaskan Huskie but that’s what she wants me to get her anyway.  We have found a few Filipino shows on the International Channel but she really doesn’t care to watch even them.

I decided that my son’s hand-me-down Sunbird was not a good car for her so I bought her a new van.  I let her choose from the vehicles I liked (Explorer Sports Track, Mustang, Eclipse, or Winstar) and she insisted on the mini-van.  I was about to give up and get the Eclipse because we could not find a color she liked but finally they found one that was Sapphire Blue and she said that was what she wanted.  It took 5 trips to the dealer to find one she liked.  I tried to get her a Social Security number/TIN but it still hasn’t been delivered yet.  When it gets here I’ll get her a learner’s permit and let her start driving.

I took her and Anne (Troy had to work) to the Rodeo at the Astrodome.  She was really impressed with the fireworks, open ceremonies (the girls with flags riding in different formations) and afterwards we got to hear Brian McKnight sing in a mini-concert (she thinks I look better and sing better than him – no relation (hehehe)).  I also got her to ride one of the small roller coasters.  She was paranoid but enjoyed it.  Then I pointed across the street to Astro World and the real roller coasters we’ll ride this summer.  She would not let me buy the picture they took of her screaming her head off – shucks.

I took her to the San Jacinto Monument where Texas won its independence from Mexico and Santa Anna in March of 1836.  It’s the tallest monument in the USA and Texas is one of 17 States that was a nation before it joined the USA.  I intend to also take her to San Antonio – Alamo and down to Goliad (near Corpus Christi) where other battles for Texas independence occurred.  She was also very impressed with the Battleship Texas parked right beside the monument.  She bought some Texas cookbooks to learn how to make pecan pie.  We were going to make the trip to Corpus or San Antonio this weekend but the cold weather is putting an end to that.

The hardest thing I have noticed is not the loneliness while I work - she finds lots of things to do on the computer, calling friends, chatting, texting excetera - besides the household chores.  She even made a new Homepage for us. She seems saddest that she is not pregnant yet but I can only do so much in 2 months - hehehe.

Bear

my side of the story: part 4 – face-to-face

Excuse my absence, I have been busy with school. It takes more than 50% of my time these days; the rest of my time gets spent on the kids and other things on the side that I have to attend to. My loss is still painful; it’s amazing how saying “I miss you, Bear” can bring tears to my eyes no matter what the situation is. Matter of fact while I was driving home from school today, I did just that. I talk to Bear like I used to. I can’t hear his voice but in a way, I kind of know what his answers are. I missed how Bear always had the right words to make me feel better, I believe it’s a gift. Just recently, I had a little incident that I needed his words badly to calm me down. I know what he would have told me but it isn’t just the same as hearing it. The good thing is there’s always prayer and Heavenly Father can always help calm me down so it’s not so bad. Anyway, I thought I’d continue my side of the story; my goal is to make as many entries as I can to reach 100 pages for a book I wanted to print. I am currently at 40 pages right now so I’m not even half-way to my goal but that’s ok, somehow I’ll get there one day.

When Bear made his intentions clear to me, he immediately booked his flight to see me in person. I know it’s weird to plan a wedding before someone actually proposes to you much less see you in person but we did just that. I remember feeling December 2000 just couldn’t get here fast enough. About a week before Bear will set foot in Manila, my mom had asked my cousin Joyal to accompany me to Manila or in other words be my chaperone. Joyal used to work and live in Manila for quite some time in the past so she knew the place well; that’s why my mom chose her. I’m not close to Joyal at all; I wouldn’t even say we were friends. I mean we talk when we see each other but it’s not that often. She’s more than 10 years older than me, 225lbs at the time and single, don’t ask me why. There’s no emotional connection between her and myself not even a bond although we are supposed to be cousins. Why am I talking about her so much in this post? Because I am trying to establish a background of our relationship that will affect something in the next paragraphs. I have contemplated if I should write about this part or not but later on decided that it is a crucial part of the story because you know, what interesting story is there without a good villain? HAHA! Exactly! Besides, this will probably be a good story for my grandkids in the future.

So, Bear sent me the money to pay for our plane tickets to Manila. I have already resigned from my job at this time so I have no direct connection to the internet but Joyal’s friend Dra. (as in female doctor, I can’t remember her name but people call her Dra. all the time) had a computer with an internet connection at her home. Since they were supposed to be best friends, Dra allowed me to come to her house and use it to chat with Bear for the last time before we’ll see each other in person. Aw! How nice of her and I was grateful but I thought I was going to be chatting with my fiancé, it turned out to be a dictated chat, meaning they told me what to say and all I can do is type away! Bear and I had been chatting everyday for about 9 months at this time; he knew me very well! I remember he said it didn’t sound like me; I later called him on the phone and told him what happened, he understood the situation and went on with our plan. Before I left Dra’s house, I remember she told Joyal that her and Bear would make a great-looking couple because I supposedly look like a child. She added that she believed Bear would not go on to marry me but instead he will fall for Joyal (seriously Dra. too much soap?). I didn’t say a word; I don’t remember getting offended either because for some reason I thought she was just teasing.

Joyal and I left Davao early in the morning on the 16th of December 2000; Bear’s flight was scheduled to land in Manila on the 17th of December. Joyal and I stayed at her sister’s in-law’s house. It was a huge home, they were pretty well off and even though I didn’t know them very well, they welcomed me in their home and allowed me to stay over the night. We woke up early the next morning. Bear was supposed to be there at 6am, so we were on our way at 5am coz you know Manila traffic is crazy but before we left, for some reason Joyal turned to me and said “I’ll sleep with Art tonight. You can sleep with him when we get to Davao.” I didn’t know what to say but like before I was not offended; I felt weird as to why she would say such a thing but I was not worried at all. We got to the airport a little past 6am; I didn’t know Bear’s plane landed an hour earlier but at this time, it didn’t seem to bother him. We had previously discussed what color shirts we were going to wear so it would be easier to identify ourselves from the crowd. I wore a red blouse and he had a blue shirt on. He was more handsome than his picture, I screamed “Bear!” from across the line, you know the kind that they have at the movies to get people in line when they come in early and the rooms aren’t ready yet? I didn’t think, wait let me rephrase that, I did not use my brain at all. I went under the line and ran up to Bear, I gave him a hug and a kiss. It was so weird but I felt like I’ve known him forever. It didn’t feel like we just met; I seriously felt like I knew and met this man a long time ago. After joining the church, I totally understand why I felt that way; because I did know and met him a long time ago, in the pre-mortal world. Our spirits just bonded like we were just catching up.

Joyal and her brother (he lives in the area) came and joined us. I introduced them and we moved outside to get a cab. Bear was holding my hand this entire time but I was just quiet. My low self-esteem crept up on me and suddenly, I was fearful; I was afraid Bear wouldn’t like me now that he had seen me, most guys did! Joyal chatted with him. So many little things they talked about but the only thing I remember is that she asked him how much he weighed, HAHA! No kidding! I didn’t know it’s rude to ask about someone’s weight until I came to America but I remember Bear said 225lbs and Joyal exclaimed with glee, “me too!” like it was supposed to be a good thing? HAHA! Bear noticed my silence, it seemed as if he can read my mind; it was either that or my face just really looked too obvious. He looked at me and said, “You are gorgeous!” I smiled and my worry—gone!

We found a hotel near the US embassy; it was a suite with 2 beds and a living room. Bear gave us the two beds and he decided to sleep on the sofa. There was a little partition between the bedroom and the living room so it wasn’t as if we were doing something inappropriate. However, in the middle of the night, I got really cold. I’ve never slept with an a/c before and I was freezing, I couldn’t get myself to sleep at all so I got up and asked Bear if he could turn it up for me. Instead of going back to bed, Bear and I sat on the sofa all night listening to the songs on his laptop that he was going to leave with me in Davao. The sofa was wide that when you lay on its back, it would look like you were laying down. Bear and I did hug and kiss but we did not touch inappropriately. Unknown to us, Joyal had been texting her sister in Davao about what had happened. To this day, I have no idea what the exact message was but it came out as me being a bad girl for getting out of bed and going to a guy’s bed (sofa in this case). I guess in a way I understand how that could look bad but as chaperone, maybe she should have told me, “hey Marissa get back on your bed!” or something along those lines. This little smoke that I was unaware of spread out into a forest fire in 24hours! I had no clue until I called my mom when we got back to Davao days later that all these had been going on behind my back and if you know my mom, well let’s just say that had I known that this was happening, I would have probably just asked Bear to elope.

thoughts

I haven’t made an entry in a long time; if Bear was here I would say a lot had happened since then but the fact remains that he’s no longer here and although a lot of days had passed, I feel like I haven’t done anything. Other than making sure the kids get to school every day on time, making sure homework gets done, helping AJ finish his science project and watching 78 episodes of an Australian series about teenage mermaids on Netflix, I don’t think I’ve done anything productive at all. Since Bear passed, I got into a bad habit of going to bed at 2am, which means I waste a lot of time during the day sleeping. I have got to snap out of it or I’ll be in big trouble next week when I go back to school to start the spring semester. I actually look forward to go back to school because there I can be busy and it gives my head something new to think about. When I’m doing things and talking to people, I don’t notice the hole as much; I feel like Bear is just at work and will be home at the end of the day. I don’t know how long that’s going to last but for now it’s not a bad thing at all.

People ask me all the time how I’m doing; it’s not easy to answer at times because if I have to be honest no one really has all the time in the world to listen. It’s hard to explain; most of the time I don’t feel anything at all. I think sometimes, I forget that Bear’s not here anymore and then when I realize he’s never coming through that door ever again, sadness hits me. I miss him so bad, I miss everything about him: his touch, his smell, his voice, that silly smile on his face, an extremely contagious laughter that fills every room of the house and those beautiful brown eyes and the way they look at me. I could never look at them long enough coz each time I do; I’d melt into a puddle. 

Nothing is the same since Bear passed. I actually feel like somehow I stepped into the twilight zone or perhaps I got zapped into a parallel dimension; everything looks familiar but nothing looks the same even the color of sunshine on a bright day. Of course that’s no question; the person that gives sunshine that familiar glow is no longer here. Nothing will ever be the same again and right now, that’s almost impossible to get used to. 

I’m not always sad though, I know he is in a better place and is doing what he loves to do—teaching the gospel in the spirit world. The knowledge of the gospel really does give my grieving heart comfort. I recently found his patriarchal blessing and I truly found comfort in that. The entire time we were married, I have no idea why it never occurred to me to read it. He talked about it so many times and particularly three very important things. Somehow, sharing it with me was enough for me. He offered to have me read it quite a few times but for some reason it didn’t spark any interest in me. I didn’t know where he kept it but I got an inspiration on where to look. I guess he was kind of guiding me to its location. It wasn’t the place I had in mind to look but sure enough, I found it. Bear’s patriarchal blessing was given in March of 1979, which means I wasn’t even born yet but it amazes me how much it talked about him and me and how it talked about his passing. I believe I wasn’t supposed to read it before he passed or things would have played differently. It does strengthen my faith in the gospel and it gave me reason to be happy for Bear and to look forward to the day of our reunion with enthusiasm.  

I know the kids and I will be fine even though I don't feel that way now. I have faith in the Lord and so does Bear. I know it was easy for him to say yes when he got called home because he believes that if it's Heavenly Father's will, He'll make sure that the kids and I will be alright.

I miss you Bear and I love you the most! I may not be the happiest right now but I truly am the luckiest and the most blessed! Till we meet again...

A Bear Finds Honey in Davao: Chapter 5 (Conclusion)

The following is a copy of Bear's side of our story as copied from the archives of Planet-Love.com. It has not been edited in any way including spelling. Thank you Planet-Love for keeping these throughout the years!
 
I think the first thing to talk about has to be the attack placed on me because of falling in love with Marissa before an actual meeting occurred.  Many of the Planet-love patrons really hassled me for that.  I think far too many guys think there is some specific procedure for falling in love; or that even some type of magic that occurs.  I do not.  I think that the most important three things in the beginning of your relationship is your 1) willingness to commit 100%, 2) how much you are interested (whether physical attraction or intellect) in that person and 3) your belief in Heavenly Father and prayer.  I knew Marissa was the right one almost immediately because, and I know you’ll think I’m crazy, but a little voice said in my head “she's the one”.  I was writing 14 other girls and several were looking pretty good – one trying very hard to be the one I choose and one that was a nut case that I thought at one point would be the one.  But Marissa, I knew instantly before we had even chatted.  It wasn’t magic or anything so unbelievable; it was Heavenly Father’s intent.

I think one of the reasons for my ignorance in trying to breakup with her during the “Foolish Girl” post was that I hadn’t prayed about it.  I had stopped writing all the other girls and made some commitments to Marissa but I hadn’t prayed about us.  I was under a lot of pressure from the government sources to act and a lot from family and church members to re-unite with my ex-wife.  I was very confused.  So I prayed.  It was kinda silly actually but I prayed for a song.  And I had just told my “ex” that all the years she hadn’t given me birthday or Christmas presents that a song would have been enough.  I really expected that maybe some birthday in the future some girl would sing me Happy Birthday and that would be it.  Marissa sang a song to me two minutes after that prayer.  I was in shock and every hair on my body was standing up.  I knew I was being answered.  But to make the answer even more powerful Marissa had just got through praying that if I were the right guy for her I would call her ‘right then’.  She was so ecstatic when I called she offered to sing me a song.  Why is this so odd, I am usually in church at this time and it is highly unlikely that this event would have occurred?  But my roommate got sick and I stayed home to watch him – he had been throwing up all over the place.  Once he went to sleep I was bored and thought I’d call Marissa.  That’s when we both knew at the same time from two different prayers.  It was confirmed over and over many times in the next 7 months. 

We learned a lot about each other and became extremely close.  There were so many times when she was hurt by the honesty I promised her but she appreciated the fact that I told her everything and honored her opinion.  Fellas if she said NO, I didn’t/don’t do it and visa-versa.  I think this helped each other see the commitment we were giving to each other.

I also was amazed that we could pray and fast together.  Every single problem we had was reconciled by prayer and fasting and in every case to our complete satisfaction.  I was amazed how all of a sudden the “Murphy’s Law” syndrome had left me.  Everything went my/our way without a hitch.  We both learned complete faith in our prayers and fasting.

Okay so what did go wrong?  The Honeymoon.  Yeah that’s right.  I let Marissa handle everything else but the Honeymoon and she did it expertly once organized.  It took longer than she planned but she made the wedding one of the happiest days of my life. My room the government papers and required events, meetings with her family and church members, everything handled as wonderfully as you can imagine.

But the Honeymoon trip.  I purchased my tickets through Ron Perry and paid a very high charge for them.  Admittedly he told me that it was high because I ordered late and it was the Christmas Holidays so I understood and reasoned it to my not planning far enough ahead.  A week after paying for the tickets Asia Air Fare, who had lost my e-mail address found it and said that they could get me tickets at the $650-750 price range ‘right then’.  Even at that my roommate paid for the trip as a wedding gift.  So it really didn’t hurt me at all.  Included in the trip was one free week at Virgin Beach Resort.  Great I thought.  I handled the honeymoon.  Normal first class business class roundtrip on PAL is $1100.  I paid $2150.  Seemed reasonable to me since the honeymoon at VBR was included.

Then when we confirmed the reservations we were told that we had to find a way to Bogota on our own, usually by bus at the PCBL (Philippine Cebu Bus Line) terminal and that it would take 3 hours because it was about a100 kilometers away.  Bus fare was only P78 each one way.  Immediately on arriving at airport the cab driver said that he would drive us for P1600 and take less time and that it would be safer with all the hijackings and holdups?  Marissa was afraid so I thought that was acceptable for the distance and I took his offer – even scheduled him back out to pick us up when we were to leave.  On the way to VBR we stopped at a filthy roadside place to eat and like an idiot, I ate there.  2 days later I was begging for Imodium AD and spent 1-½ days of the honeymoon sleeping and trying to recover.  I found out later that is P600 more than the normal charge.

When we got to Bogota a jeepney from Virgin Beach Resort that the shocks had been welded solid on picked us up.  I should have known there was a problem.  At the resort I was informed at the desk that A/C was P500/day extra and that drinks for the meals were P200/meal/person extra.  That totaled out to P1700/day more than the $1050 I had already paid.  Marissa was quiet but complained to me privately that the charges were very high.  I think she was trying not to embarrass me because this was my part of the trip.  She was right though.  I stayed at Marbella Mansion for P650/day and it included hot water, cable TV, phone, free breakfast and other amenities.  None of this was available at Virgin Beach Resort.  In addition Marissa and I had been eating on P400/day for the previous two weeks I had been there.  So they were charging me P700 more than I had been spending daily as extras and I had already given them $1050 (thats P52500) to cover everything.  Honestly you should have been able to live in the Phils for 2 months on that much money.  The best recreation they could do was allowing you to use videos from their pirated collections.  Now don’t get me wrong, Virgin Beach was gorgeous.  Beautiful blue water.  They had a nice swimming pool and excellent food with very American sized portions.  But there were no other amenities available like boating, fishing, skin-diving or any other activities period.  The beach was hard rock and to get to the sand you hand to walk out about 150-200 feet.  I think two days is the most anyone can stay there because there was nothing to do.  Plus I got sick.

Marissa and I realized that this wasn’t what we had in mind.  To sit and do videoke and watch videos for 7 days so after the 3rd day we left and went back to Cebu and had a wonderful time.  And saved money from the P1700/day they had been charging us to about P1100/day with more comfort attractions and things to do.  Since we left before the scheduled cab return we took the bus.  It was a much more comfortable ride and we stopped at a legitimate restaurant.

A lot of concerns never occurred like kidnappings, pick-pockets, hijackings, flagrant cheating and angry individuals that just wanted to see if I could defend myself (shucks!).  Marissa cared for me like a newborn babe.  At one point, on Christmas night when we were trying to light the fireworks I bought she latched on to me like the anchor of the Titanic.  Absolutely refused to let me light any of the fireworks because I might get hurt.  It so impressed me that she intended to take care of me that I back off so that she would feel at ease. 

Marissa is easy to tease and very ticklish.  Once her parents had caused her to screw up her cell phone by telling her to put a “pin” number in it.   This caused her to lock up the cell phone chip, which caused me to have to purchase another cell phone chip.  She told her parents that I told her I would punish her for being so thoughtless.  Her mother was livid and Marissa could hardly hold her smile because when they asked how I would punish her, she said. “He’s going to tickle me!”  I love to tease her though and I think she likes it too.  She says that she thinks her whole life will be filled with laughter and happiness.  I cannot imagine a life that I would not more want to be a part of.

Manila was what I expected after comparing it to seeing Davao and Cebu.  Still it was quite new to me. The Malls were very Americanized but prices were easily 1/4th ours.  The main malls were Shoe-Mart, Ayala’s and Glorietta’s.  Shoe-Mart seemed like a Wal-Mart clone.  The Glorietta’s mall in Manila was magnificent.

Traffic was unbelievable.  I just cannot understand how the authorities can allow that free-for-all type driving to continue.  I saw so many potential disasters I had to constantly make fun of the drivers to keep from screaming.  Ask Marissa.  I went around all day long going  “Beep, Beep!!” 

I guess even expecting it I was the most surprised at the poverty, pollution and obvious signs of the 1997 economic crisis.  We have poor people in Houston living under the freeway bridges and so forth, but it is clear that most of those people want to live there.  The economy is great here and anyone who wants a job can get one.  But in Manila it’s very different.  They literally build cardboard houses on the sidewalks and beg in the streets.  The 30 or so incomplete multi-story buildings that are just husks still haunt me.  It is like a nuclear bomb went off.  I saw smaller examples of that in Davao and Cebu but nothing near the scale of Manila.  Millions of dollars had to have been lost and probably millions of jobs as well.

The Embassy was not what I expected either but I really didn’t know what to expect.  Let me tell you guys that if you want a “Legal Capacity to Marry” you had better be there by 7 AM and get a “number” from the 'right group' or they will say “See you tomorrow” without a flinch.  I watched it happen to 4 couples. 

The airport was easier to get around in than I expected since they had completed the new PAL terminal with both International and Domestic flights arriving at the same terminal. Davao was hot and humid.  Especially in the nighttime when the sun went down and the wind (what little of it there was) stopped blowing.  I think I was actually more acclimated to the humid weather than Marissa because I was willing to get out in it and 'go' where she wanted to stay in or ride.  There were times when we rode a cab 3 blocks!  I think she will find Houston, with the exception of our having a winter, quite like Davao just 20 degrees hotter. 

In Davao the girls outnumber the guys – period.  There is nothing else I can say about that.  I estimate it at 5 or 6 to one.  The people in Davao are very poor.  I do not think they know.  There are wonderful places there to go.  Paradise Island and Hilltop are two.  They also have some great beaches and I am surprised that there are not more resorts there.  The traffic in Davao makes the traffic in Manila seem tame.  I still am in shock that when someone goes to turn right others will pass him on the right.  When you stop just inches away from an accident you have to wait for all the others passing the whole situation on the right.  Sheesh?  Jeepneys in Manila and Davao are hot, uncomfortable, colorful, cheap and everywhere.  And when you can’t find one of those the “tricycles” take over.  Have you ever seen what happens to a 100cc motor bike that carries 4 people, two being 200 pound plus Americans?   And they wonder why they have so much pollution.  They literally drive these things till they fall apart.

Cebu was wonderful.  Warm yet comfortable.  Traffic lights and mostly drivers who obeyed the traffic laws.  Lots of sights and places to go.  Lots of incredibly beautiful blue water and hills to climb.  I think that if when I do retire in the P.I.s that it will have to be in a place like Cebu if not Cebu.

I think another thing that surprises me is the fact that there are literally hundreds, if not thousands of islands in the Philippines, in a climate that is very hot and humid, yet less than 30% of the people know how to swim or even venture out into the water. What is up there?

This is clearly the best thing I’ve ever done.  I truly love Marissa and I know beyond all doubt that she loves me too.  I’m sure as with all things in life there will be negatives but I think with her arms around me I won’t care much at all.

A Bear Finds Honey in Davao: Chapter 4 (Wedding)

The following is a copy of Bear's side of our story as copied from the archives of Planet-Love.com. The words have not been altered in any way including spelling. However, I added some photos since this is a special day.
 
The wedding was incredible.  Marissa and I spent days preparing for it.  Funny way to spend the first few weeks you are with someone – preparing for a wedding but that was the way it worked out.
I guess the wedding needs to start out with the sponsors.  Catholic traditions in the P.I.s require that members of the community sponsor you or support you in your marriage so that it have a better chance of success.  Due to the problem of PDA’s we had some problems getting started on meeting the sponsors.  So that once the wedding site was determined I decided to have a big 'Sponsors Party' for all the sponsors so that we could meet them and get their approval instead of going to each ones house and meeting them individually.  All ten sponsors, Marissa’s parents, Paul and Anna, and Marissa and I went to a restaurant called Molave for dinner.

I actually got Marissa to wear a dress and I bought matching shirt and pants to compliment her outfit.  Everyone was saying 'Gwapo (handsome)' and 'Maganda (pretty)' to Marissa and I.  I was surprise when we got there I told everyone to order from the menu and it would be covered.  I had a momentary pause at my generosity but then thought how much could it cost we were in the P.I.s.   Since the next day was Marissa’s father’s birthday we surprised him with a birthday cake and a candle on it (my idea like they do here in the states).  He was very honored that we honored him in front of such pillars of the community, the sponsors. 
Everyone was happy and the party a big success.  When it was all over I paid an equivalent of $26 noting that 14 of the 16 participants had steak.  Everyone thought the idea for a Sponsors Party was a stroke of genius that cleared up 5 days work in 2 hours.  

I thought I’d be on a limited budget so I had Marissa get me an estimate of the costs so I’d know how much to bring and how much to allow her to spend on the wedding.  She worked very hard to keep the cost under control and did much of the work herself.   I am truly impressed with her abilities and determinations.  I think that once organized she is a force to be recognized.  I even brought her a planner from the USA to help her stay organized.  We used the Franklin Planner technique to keep things organized.  That is where you list everything you need to do on a sheet of paper then put an 'A' by the things you had to do today.  A 'B' by the things you would like to get done today and a 'C' by the things that are left.  You then put numbers by the things in the 'A' group ending up with an 'A1' by the first thing you need to do and so on.

I was somewhat concerned about the wedding dress and rings because they had to be ordered before I got there and that meant that her parents had to allow her to begin to prepare for a wedding even though she and they had not been asked yet.  She also had to get all the bridesmaids and groomsmen to be fitted as well.  All this was before I asked formally for her hand in marriage.  BTW, she refused to consider a marriage request over the computer or on the phone – it had to be in person.  And as I said in chapter 2, I really didn’t ask her it just happened.  I felt pretty guilty about this so I did find the time to get on my knee and ask her.  At first I teased her and said I wasn’t going to ask I was just going to marry her but then I did and she answered 'yes'.

Marissa and I got the paper for the invitations at the National Book Store at Glorietta Mall and then took the paper out to the printers to be printed.  When we got there Marissa said, “Write our vows!”  I was in shock!  I was expected to come up with wedding vows “off the cuff” in a matter of minutes as well as a “thank you” to our parents.  Talk about pressure.  I pleaded for a few weeks but we only had minutes.  So this is it…..

We know each other.  We have for eternities untold.
But each day we seek each other anew
Our love magnifying and edifying each other
Providing, protecting and encouraging
Lifting our hearts in service to each other
May all be blessed with love as the love we have for each other.

And the Thank you for the parents.

We thank you for the life you have given us
Strong and firm but always loving
You have always been there
We praise our heavenly Father for you
And will endeavor to raise our family with the example you have given.

The invitations had a very nice aroma – I think it was lavender.  Everyone who was to participate in the wedding was mentioned on the invitation.  It included all the sponsors, bride maids, groomsmen, best man, maid of honor, parents (living and deceased), and any participants such as the flower girls and ring bearers.  I even had her add at the bottom “and a special thanks to the guys at www(dot)planet-love(dot)com”.  I was surprise at how the invitations were distributed.  Not mailed like here in the States but literally handed out.  Of course with such short notice and the fact that the wedding was on a national religious holiday a lot of people who would have come were not notified.  Many of her friends from school.  Even so we had a very good turnout.

The church was a whole story of its own.  Our chaperone got us booted from it for “PDA’s”.  Then we managed to get that corrected by my apologizing to everyone for not understanding the consequences of  “PDA’s”.  The because I am LDS and she was Catholic we were refused again only to get a call after we arranged to be married at a reception hall of the hotel that the priest changed his mind.  The church was on the grounds of one of the police compounds so I think we were all pretty well protected. The church was completely opened to the outside and had no “aircon” but there were lots of fans.  It was somewhat circular in shape.

The reception was at “Orange Grove Hotel”.  It was pretty near the church so I suspect that it was the reason that it was picked.  At first I was pretty pleased with their costs and preparation but in the end they forgot to give us the registration book and doubled our charges for “extras”.  I got the largest suite/room for the honeymoon and I am glad I did because there were probably 25 people in it at one point.  Half the people who were to participate in the wedding I think showed up and took a shower there.  The make-up was also done for all the girls and I was allowed to get dressed there as well.  Privacy?  What’s that?

The flowers took several trips to the mall to arrange because we were constantly having to change were the wedding was going to be held.  Marissa and most other Filipinas like roses.  Their country is flooded with orchids that are exotic and rare to us here but to them they don’t see roses and they want roses.  Marissa’s bouquet was a combination of white pink red and yellow roses.  It was very beautiful.  All the guys wore pink/purple orchids and the church and reception halls were decorated with roses.

The cake was the most beautiful I have ever seen.  It was truly a work of art.  Many layers put into a sweeping design that covered the whole table.  I hope I can show some pictures of this awesome cake but I am not sure yet.  My camera ran out of film and I have to get the wedding pictures scanned.
Pictures!  Did I say pictures!  There were so many people taking pictures I wondered where they came from and why?  Paul and James (another Mag-anaker) took pictures.  The official photographer and the video maker also.  But there were at least two other photographers taking pictures that we didn’t recognize.  As we were leaving the reception I noticed a table with pictures on it from the wedding.  I was thrilled because I was able to get pictures of the wedding that I brought home with me.  Marissa and I didn’t know the guy who took the pictures but I think he must have been part of the hotel.

The rings were 18c gold and very well done.  They were made by one of Marissa’s teachers.  Each had our names engraved in it.  There were no engagement rings only wedding bands and they are generally kept pretty simple.  Ours had some pretty nice designs engraved on them.

We rented a car and a van to move the wedding party around.  I first used it to go to the chapel and await the bride then Marissa’s parents used it to come to the church then Marissa used it to come last of course (always late –lol).  The van was used to take every one back to the hotel and then after the reception to another reception at her parent’s house.  The car was decorated with flowers just as the church and reception hall – everything in pink roses.  The drivers cheated me out of 400 pesos at the end and if they hadn’t I probably would have given it to them for a tip but that’s what they got.
The only mistake we made was the candles.  We forgot to order new ones for the front of the church.  Hey if it wasn’t on my list how would I know?

The Hotel, Orange Grove actually did a great job with the exception of leaving out the registration book. Plus they charged me for tables to hold the lechon we bought for the event.
I think I never smiled so much as I did at the wedding.  I was just incredibly happy.  Everything was just plain wonderful.  I talked with everyone and was surprised that so many “Mag-anakers” showed up.  I credit that to Paul and Anna letting them all know.

When Marissa showed up (late as usual – but only 25 minutes) I was just having the best high of my life.  The weather was hot and humid but the fans made it more than bearable.  The decorations were very appropriate and stunning. 

First Paul lead the way then me.  From the front of the church I could see all that was happening.  I watched the sponsors all come in and take their seats of honor on the first rows.  Then the bridesmaids and grooms came in followed by the flower girls and ring bearers (several of the younger kids where assisted – isn’t it cute!!). I saw Em and Paul over on the grooms side hugging and I then turned and saw Marissa coming down the aisle with her father.
Her dress was gorgeous in white and pink with her bouquet of roses.  The veil and gown trail went half way down the aisle and it took several girls to assist in moving it around.  Gossssh she always says.  She was so beautiful.  She looked up at me and said “What?”  I couldn’t stop looking at her.  I think she looked up at me several times and said “What?” trying to figure out that smile I had on my face.  It really was the most beautiful site I had ever seen in my whole life.

The wedding went very smoothly with the only mistake being I had to be told to put Marissa’s father’s hand to my forehead – hey we didn’t practice the wedding the night before.  When the ceremony neared completion and we would be allowed to kiss I looked at Marissa and she begged me not to kiss her too long.  I told her that we were going to have our first argument at the altar on how long we could kiss and said I’d kiss her for a count of ten.  She frowned and I said okay 3 – she smiled.  We then kissed. 

Then came the picture taking and paper signing.  All the sponsors and participants had to sign as well as Marissa and I.  I think we took 3 dozen poses from the altar with everyone who attended the wedding.  But it was okay my smile never waned and neither did hers – we were clearly very happy.  Finally we were told to be the last to return to the reception hall/hotel.  It was funny everyone left the wedding then we did? When we got to the reception hall we had to wait downstairs for a few minutes because most of the people had not gone to the reception hall yet but had waited out front to meet and congratulate us.  We had to encourage then to hurry up to the reception so we could “arrive”.

Upon entering Marissa got a big surprise!  Each of the five bridesmaids/groomsmen couples barred our way.  We were not allowed to pass until each of them observed us kiss.  At each we had to turn to each other, embrace and kiss.  I loved it but Marissa was clearly embarrassed.  After the last kiss we entered the hall and everyone stood and clapped.  We were lead to the table of honor.
The reception was great.  Paul and Anna were acting as my parents for the event.  They and Marissa’s parents were seated at tables to the side and slightly behind Marissa and I.  In front of us were the tables with the Sponsors of the wedding and then the bridesmaids and groomsmen were at a table off the left with a few other guests.  I was really surprised at the number of Mag-anakers there.  Five couples including Paul and Anna, Em and Paul, and James and Lily and others.

The reception from that point on went like most receptions do.  We have a few announcements, ate a very large meal, had the customary shoving of the cake in each other’s face and the drinking of wine.  We had a dance of which before we could dance the emcee insisted we kiss at least two more times.  Several people including Marissa’s father some of the sponsors, Paul and Anna, some of Marissa’s friends got up and spoke and/or sang (Marissa sang with them of course).  I spoke last.  I thanked “Mom and Dad for their daughter”, the sponsors for honoring us with their support and the guest for making this a wonderful day and it was over.

We had to leave there and go to Marissa’s parent’s house for another reception because several of her family members were so poor that they refused to come to the reception.  I spent P6K on Marissa’s family’s clothes because they were too embarrassed to come also.

Finally we left her parent’s house and went to our suite.  She was hurrying us up all the way at her parent’s house.  I really think she wished we did not have to go there and I was concerned about her wearing that gorgeous wedding gown and climbing that mud hill to her parent’s house.  There were family members there though that were very happy we made a show for their sakes.  I know Marissa’s parents were happy about it too.

my side of the story: part 3 - meant-to-be

I cried for a good day or two after we broke up. I never thought break-ups could be that bad coz my first break-up was not nearly as bad. Bear had told me never to contact him again but I wasn't about to give up just yet. I remember that website he gave me before, I knew he'll be there posting or lurking but either way, I knew he'll see my message. I went to planet-love.com and posted for the first time with the name "foolish girl." I didn't tell them who I was but I told them this guy (no name) broke up with me and I can't remember the rest. Unfortunately, planet-love only kept archives of the posts created since 2001 so we'll never know what I've said. Bear replied under my post saying that "this guy" was so stupid for breaking up with such a sweet girl as myself; to which I replied with "please do not call my guy stupid." I kept on posting messages of how I missed him so much and posted the lyrics to the song "As I Lay Me Down" by Sophie Hawkins. Bear had told me about this song and I've sang it to him a few times before; the words just seemed to fit how I felt at the time. I had no doubt he knew exactly who "foolish girl" was but if he thought his decision was stupid why did he let me go?

Three days later, yup just three days! I know it sounded like such a long time but three days later, Bear came back to chat with me on mIRC. I remember my heart jumped for joy! I wondered why he came back online but I was extremely happy. For the past month, we had been chatting exclusively; yes there is a way to find out if you were chatting with a bunch of people on that program and we both know how to do it. Anyway, Bear apologized for breaking up with me and told me all about the legal battle and stuff. He said something about me waiting for seven years, I told him I didn't mind waiting for 7yrs, I was only 20 and I had initially planned on getting married at 28 so 7yrs wouldn't have been a big deal to me but he thought it wasn't right to keep me waiting that long so he basically had to let go of the legal battle in my favor. At the time, I really had no clue how much he was giving up for me because all I cared about was that he was back in my life!

The next month, Bear decided to buy me a cellphone because his phone bills from my collect calls skyrocketed. I didn't want to accept any amount of money from him; my dad had told me when I received that package on my birthday that I should be careful because Bear might ask me to do something that I won't be able to refuse. I think my dad was thinking along the lines of censored stuff but he really didn't explain it well. I told Bear about that so he then told me to buy the cellphone for him and asked me to take care of it until he got there, to which I agreed.  As soon as I got it, Bear and I talked on the phone regularly. He was my alarm clock for months! He'd wake me up in the mornings, ah what better way to get up in the morning and on weekends we would talk on the phone all night long for me and about half of his day here in Houston. I remember my dad got mad once or twice or maybe more coz he could hear me talking from the other room and he couldn't sleep. My dad would say, "tell that guy it's the middle of the night, I need some sleep!" Ah my poor dad, I'd just laugh and not tell Bear anyway, haha! After that, I became more considerate and learned how to whisper!

The phone calls in addition to the long chats and emails we've had helped us to get to know each other really well. However, we constantly got tested that at one point I was wondering if we were really meant to be together or not. That's where all the prayers and fasting came in. I knew in my heart that I love Bear because of what I felt when he broke up with me. I've never felt that way from any man I've met before. So, I've prayed about it. Some girls had told me in the past about a story where one girl asked God for a sign that this man was the right one for her; she had asked for a white rose and blah blah he gave her a white rose and they lived happily ever after--you get the picture. Anyway, here comes Marissa who thought that would be interesting to try on. I asked for a sign that if Art was the one, I would see flowers. I've never received flowers before and I don't think Bear would send me flowers because there was no occasion for it but whatever, if he's the one, Heavenly Father would find a way. One morning, I got on a jeepney to go to school and what do I see? Flowers of course! Not for me though but there's this kid and his mom with buckets of flowers inside the jeepney. I think they were on their way to the market to sell the flowers. I knew that was my answer because I remembered what I asked Heavenly Father when I saw the flowers but I didn't stop there because I thought it could have been just coincidence. So on another occasion, I remember there was a blackout in the area where my family lived but my cellphone was fully charged so I prayed that night that if Art was really the one for me, that he would call me right then. I can't remember what I was thinking at the time because it wasn't Saturday night. Bear only called me late at night on Saturdays coz he stays home half of the day. I guess you could say I didn't make it easy for Heavenly Father but what do I know? A few minutes later the phone rang, my heart was beating so hard, I was extremely shocked! It's not that I didn't have faith but the fact that I was afraid the answer might not be what I wanted. When I answered the phone, I was just so happy and excited I asked him if I can sing him a song. "Do you know you just answered a prayer?," Bear asked and I thought man that's really corny. I thought it was just one of those famous pick up lines I heard on tv. To be honest, I didn't believe him until after we were already married and that's when I told him about my prayer as well.

To this day, I have no doubt I was meant to be his wife and he was meant to be my man.

my side of the story: part 2 - falling

My 20th birthday fell on the Easter break that year so it took a while before I could go back and check my messages from Bear. Even though he knew I wasn't going to be there to reply on his emails, he sent me an email every single day. I thought that was so sweet of him to actually be thinking of me everyday. Of course when I came back to the office, I sent him a very long email in reply to all the messages he had sent me.

A month had passed since we started corresponding. I started to notice that my life had changed, I got excited every time I thought of his name. His email messages and chats became the highlights of my day. I felt something different about him but I didn't think it was something deeper than infatuation. Eventually, after days and days of talking through emails and chats, Bear asked me to be his girlfriend. I can't remember exactly if I said "yes" right away but I knew I had prayed about it. I don't think I asked Heavenly Father if he was the one, I think I just asked Him to make him be the one because he was everything I had hoped and prayed for since I was a little girl. He was sweet, always thinking about me. He had a great sense of humor, always making me smile even from across the globe. He was honest even though some of the things he told me made me cry--a lot! He was driven, always acting upon an idea and never ran out of things to do. He was smart and intelligent, his arguments were always supported with studies and research. He had a strong faith in the gospel, the only thing in this world he was not willing to give up for me. He was respectful, he made sure to write my parents by hand through post mail to let them know of his intentions and above all, he thought I was the most beautiful thing God has ever created!

Growing up in the Philippines, no one has ever made me feel that I was beautiful. Yeah I had some sweet friends who told me I was pretty but they were girls. When I was a little girl, I actually thought I'd end up marrying some ugly guy across the street coz that's all I deserved. As a matter of fact, the guy I met online before Bear was not good-looking at all. I was not excited about the future. At one point in my life, I actually believed that love is only for the good-looking people and there is no such hope for me. As young as probably 9 or 10 years old, I prayed silently to Heavenly Father that if I ever get married, I hope that my husband would really think I'm pretty. I don't know how that could have been possible but I knew Heavenly Father listens to prayers. Boy did He ever! I got everything I prayed for and more!

Ever wonder why I call him Bear? Shortly after I said yes to be Art's girlfriend, he asked me what I would like to be called and for reasons I can't seem to remember I said I wanted to be called Honey. I asked him what he would like to be called and he told me while he was working offshore, some guys at work called him Bear and he liked that and so Bear it was. He was my Bear and mine alone.

A couple of months had passed and we were getting stronger. It felt like we knew each other for so long. Long emails and chats everyday and phone calls on occasion really got us to where we felt like we've met and known each other so well. I remember Bear would send me such long emails of questions. They were different situations and he'd ask what I'd do in every single one of them. I felt like he was giving me essay tests, which later I found out to be true because he had sent the same questions to different girls and apparently, I was the only one who answered them the way he wanted them answered! Anyway, I spent hours answering those questions. I answered them the way I pictured my future family would be like not the way my culture or my parents did things. After I answered his questions, he sent me his answers and then we went over them when we chatted.

Three months since the day we've met, we were already talking about the possibility of getting married. We talked about how I'd like to be married, what it would look like and where it was going to be. He didn't ask me to marry him though. It was basically just a discussion. A few days after that, Bear just decided to break up with me. He didn't really explain things to me at the time, he just said we were done. I called him on the phone and practically begged him but his decision was final. I asked if we could be friends and he said no. I was heartbroken. I felt like the world fell on me and all I could see was darkness. I was so used to him being in my life everyday that I had no clue what I was going to do the next day. I could no longer see my future without him in it. I felt like I've actually flooded the world with my tears.

my side of the story: part 1- beginnings

The next chapter on Bear's side of our story talks about our wedding so I thought I'd wait until our anniversary to post that and write about my side of the story instead.

The oldest in a brood of six, who had only one thing going for herself--scholarly achievements! Yup, that was me! I was raised in a society where even my own family told me I was not blessed with physical beauty. No worries, it was never a big deal for me. For the longest time, I didn't even care if I had powdered my face or if I had combed my hair. I figured who in the world am I trying to impress anyway? It bothered my mom that at 18, I didn't have a single guy come to our home for courtship. Apparently, she had guys lining up at my grandparents' yard when she was only 13! I can totally understand her worry but like I said it never bothered me. I wasn't thinking about getting married any time soon so why bother? The only boyfriend-girlfriend relationship I had was with this Filipino from the northern part of the country whom I met chatting online but never met in person so I don't really think he should be counted.

Scholarly achievements were so important to me back then because I came from a financially-unstable family. At a young age, I was made aware that my future role would be to lift my family out of poverty and the only way to achieve that is to excel in school and obtain an advanced degree. I was well on my way to accomplish this goal when I was robbed (that's right "you" as in authorities involved robbed me and you know it but thank you!) of an award/honor back in my sophomore year in high school but it was actually a blessing in disguise. Because I failed to avail the scholarship that came with the award/honor, I moved to a different high school in my junior year, which led me to avail a work scholarship at a Catholic college. I was a full-time college student on a work scholarship, a program at the school intended for students who needed financial help. The program required that I work 6 hours on weekdays, 4 hours on weekends and any amount of time on Sundays if needed. It also required that I maintain a grade, hence the name. I, along with hundreds of incoming freshmen took a series of tests and a final interview to get into this program. I got in the top 2 of the final exam and passed the interview as well. Because of the said performance, I was chosen to be assigned in an office where work was expected to be more intense compared to a regular office with regular schedules. Because we needed to maintain a certain grade while working at the same time, they prefer students who showed high academic potentials based on the results of the tests they gave us to work at the computer laboratory or so I was told by the scholarship coordinator. You would think I'd be flattered and I guess partly I was but then my entire experience at the laboratory was not pure heaven for reasons I am not willing to disclose. However, I endured all that and actually got something great out of it; the ability to chat on the internet!

April 3, 2000 PH time around 11am, which would make it April 2 Houston time: It was enrollment time for summer classes so it was not a busy day work-wise. I met Bear chatting on mIRC #davao channel under the dalnet group, which had been my online hangout for quite some time. I knew almost everyone who chatted in that channel so when I saw the name "lonelyman"(I don't know why Bear remembered it as A_lonely_male), I chatted in. I asked him why he was lonely and he said "No one to hug me." I thought that was really odd but I gave him a cyber hug {{HUGS}} and he thanked me. I had no idea that he wasn't local at all, I just thought that everyone chatting in that channel lived in Davao so it was a shock to me when I found out he was American. He told me he was 45, I really didn't think anything about it that's why it came as a surprise that he didn't seem to like the fact that I was 19 but it did make him feel better when I told him I will be turning 20 in a few weeks. At that time, I really didn't understand why my age was such a concern to him. It's not that I was young and naive (well maybe I was) but the age difference didn't really bother me because I didn't think I was going to like him in a romantic way. As a matter of fact and contrary to what my peers might have thought back then, finding a boyfriend was not my intent for chatting. I just thought it was fun and I was just really fascinated with the whole "advanced technology" thingamajig. 

We exchanged pictures right then and I guess he thought I looked pretty decent enough to continue chatting with me (HAHA!). Our first chat did not last that long. Apparently, his son called for some emergency that night but before he signed off, he left me his email address. After our chat, I emailed him just to say thank you and from then on, we chatted or emailed each other every day. A few days before my 20th birthday, he kept asking me, "hugged a bear lately?" I didn't really understood it at the time until my birthday came. On my 20th birthday, I was surprised to receive a package from Bear. It had a small teddy bear, a green shirt and a honeysuckle Yankee candle. It was then that I realized what his question meant and it made me smile. I remember the candle smelled so good so I kept it in my room and never burned it. When Bear sent me that package, my parents knew it wasn't going to be just a simple friendship like I had previously told them but in my heart, I really had no clue where we're going to end up.

A Bear Finds Honey in Davao: Chapter 3 (Love)

The following is a copy of Bear's side of our story as copied from the archives of Planet-Love.com. It has not been edited in any way including spelling. I will update this everyday until I finish all the chapters he had written. Thank you Planet-Love for keeping these throughout the years!
 
I guess everyone makes mistakes and I know I made a few myself but like I said earlier when everything goes right it all goes right and vice-versa.  Well on the 1st night here Marissa was cold and I had her sit on my bed with me.  I hugged her and kept her warm.  We sat up all night listening to music from my laptop and hugging and kissing.  We were not more than 10 feet from the chaperone, Joyal, so I didn’t think it was a problem.  The chaperone told Marissa’s parents and said that she would not come to the wedding and that I was a good man while Marissa was bad.  This didn’t bother me so much because Marissa and I were able to complain the innocence of what we did.  Joyal then proceeded to tell some of the principal sponsors for the wedding, a policeman and his wife, and have them refuse to allow us to the church on the police compound for our wedding.  The whole reason for coming here was so that a priest, in front of her parents, could perform the wedding service at a church for Honey and me.  Of course my being LDS and her being Catholic had already caused some problems earlier in the relationship.  Now they were resurfacing.  To watch the one you love cry and have so little you can do about it tears the heart continuously without any mercy. I knew her parents would not allow Marissa to be married in my church by my Bishop.  I still offered.

If anything bad happened I think good also came of this.  Mr. Cabanig and I were able to have that long talk I felt cheated on when I first got here.  I explained how I intended to give Marissa this wedding here in front of her parents in a church rather than take her to the USA to marry me there.  And how that by doing that I was giving up almost a year with her so that she could have her dream to do this.  I then discussed how much money I was going to give her as an allowance to live on while we waited for approval and that I wanted to buy her a certain value home that we could use for them to live in until we returned or to rent out for investment income.  Of course he bargained for a better place but I don’t care, I was only working on an estimate and I want her to have the best.  Marissa’s father was the most impressed with the laptop I gave Marissa because we intend to use a web cam, Dialpad, and Netmeeting to communicate without long distance charges and being able to see each other.  I think he was very surprised also that I would save that much money by using the programs like Dialpad to substitute for the long distance charges.

I had also before leaving bought a digital camera as my Christmas present to myself.  I was a big hit with everyone as well.  They liked being able to see the pictures immediately after taking it.  But everyone was amazed at how I could transfer it to the laptop and change the picture right there.

Getting ready for the wedding was primarily all we have done.  I think we have gone from one end of this city to the other 50 times looking at reception rooms and hotels, getting invitations printed, buy things for the wedding like “give-a-ways” (ours will be these small cute ceramic “bear” whatnots).  Getting paper for the invitations, going to printers, ordering the cake, getting the photographer lined out, finding just the right flowers, getting a wedding car, the wedding dress and my barong.  There was also finding a place for the wedding to occur now that the church would not allow it anymore.  We agreed to the function room at the Orange Grove Hotel and Convention center but then later got permission to have the wedding at the church as we had originally intended.

We also did some Christmas shopping.  We bought her family an artificial Christmas tree and lights and then took Lechon (a large roasted pig) and chiffon cakes to the Christmas dinner. Once there we cooked spaghetti and rice for everyone while I had her oldest brother go and get fireworks. He got us twisters that you nail into a board then light and they spin one way then reverse.  Everyone had a marvelous time especially me.  Marissa was extremely happy.

It took a few days to start accepting Marissa for what she was and instead of seeing her for what I expected.  I had remembered the cute things others had done for me in the past and I was actually letting myself get my feelings hurt that she wasn’t doing some of the same things.  Then I wised up and noticed what she was doing and started trying to accept her for herself.  She wanted nothing but to please me. I had to argue to buy her anything at all.  She took care of me whether I wanted her to or not and I mean especially if I didn’t want it.  I made the mistake of telling her I had been diabetic and had some medical problems.  All of these things are behind me (or at least not so important as before) because I lost a lot of weight and got things under control.  Too bad for me!  She watched what I ate like a hawk – no chocolates or other candy, no ice cream or sweets.  Gossh fellas!  I’m on vacation (pouting)!  The pouting didn’t work, by the way.  She said I was going to live forever so I could take care of her – clearly she intends to make me do it too. 

I was not allowed to travel on my own because her and her parents were so afraid of someone taking advantage of me, cheating me or kidnapping me.  Fellas I can handle myself, quite willingly I might add.  But she treats me like I am someone to be protected and cared for, not used.  I’d ask her how I could retire here if I could not do things on my own.  She responded with she would always be right beside me and she meant it.  She did all the things necessary to complete our tasks together, and then she’d ride me home in a taxi, and return home to finish her chores, which included washing my clothes.  Yes, she ironed my underwear!!!  She didn’t hesitate to do any of her own responsibilities or to provide me with the smallest of considerations. If I dropped some crumbs on me while eating she was brushing them off, if I was sweated she was patting me with a handkerchief or fanning me, she must have fixed me a thousand drinks responding immediately (if not sooner) to every request.  Everyone at her home did my bidding or you could see the sternness come out in her face as she gave them the “eye” and “told” them to do it.  No one dared disobey her – including me! (Smile)

I have only heard one woman say “gwapo” since I came here and that was to Marissa.  I really didn’t really care if all the women said things like that about me or maybe I would have listened and noticed that they were saying those things.  I came for Marissa, not to see all the thousands of beautiful Filipinas everywhere.  But Marissa said lots of women told her I was handsome, several where I overheard it.  I didn’t need the ego boost but I was so happy to see it made Marissa happy.  She was clearly very proud that other Filipinas thought me handsome. 

Marissa is late.  She is always late.  The song “I Loved You Before I Met You” by Savage Garden is our song.  I told Marissa that we were in Heaven together and it was time to come here to Earth to accomplish the things we asked of Heavenly Father.  I said to Marissa “Let’s go” and she said” I’ll be right there! Go on ahead of me”.  Obviously, she got here 20 years late.  I think as each day passed she gets later and later but I don’t complain because she was taking me home then having to respond to her parents questions of what we had done that day.  We had not had a chaperone since Joyal had talked to her parents.  I don’t know, maybe it’s the traffic or the difference in attitudes here but nothing moves fast – especially Marissa.  At one point she and I waited 2 hours for a taxi at the Mall and many times for an hour or more.

A Bear Finds Honey in Davao: Chapter 2 (The Trip)

The following is a copy of Bear's side of our story as copied from the archives of Planet-Love.com. It has not been edited in any way including spelling. I will update this everyday until I finish all the chapters he had written. Thank you Planet-Love for keeping these throughout the years!
 
I made up my mind to go very quickly.  Well actually when I found out that I succeeded in my legal endeavors I wanted to leave as soon as I could get it all arranged.  I work for a new company since Marissa and I met.  I had been offered a very large raise over the previous company but I turned it down because I wanted to marry Marissa – gave up on the legal battles why not a few hundred more in salary.  If I took the job I would not be able to hold Marissa for 18 months or longer.  The company came back with a sweetened offer and threw in 2 weeks vacation this year!   I accepted.  As soon as they accepted I told them when I wanted the vacation and scheduled it.

Have you ever noticed that when things go right they all go right, and when things go wrong they all go wrong.  Well all I can say is that nothing better think about going wrong with me right now – it doesn’t stand a chance!  I bet all you guys are hoping I don’t purchase a lottery ticket in your state because if I did I would win.  I mean nothing would dare going wrong right now.  I have the most wonderful woman to love, a 25% increase in salary, 2 weeks vacation after only 5 months of work.  More.  Okay.  My best friend paid for the trip to Davao as a wedding gift.  Enough?  No? 1st class all the way! Think I’m through? Problems just melt with Marissa – whoosh – gone – not even a wet puddle left. 

Several debts owed to me went bad with me depending on the payment for the trip.  Offers from everywhere to help!  I even was begged to return to an old job site to see if I could restore lost programming and operationally of the equipment.   I am no longer the definition of “Murphy’s Law” but rather the teasing titillating challenge that nothing had better even try to go wrong because I would overcome and squash it unmercifully, effortlessly.  I even managed to assist two families in my church with some serious financial help and not notice the financial effort.  Heavenly Father isn’t going to let anything happen to this effort to meet and marry the girl he confirmed in my heart.

Wow! Wow! Wow!  The times are a changing!

I purchased my tickets from Ron Perry at Virgin Beach Resort on Cebu Island.  Since I had ordered my tickets late there were none.  I was flying at the Christmas Holiday time and tickets had been all sold out for several weeks.  Not a problem for the “non-Murphy’s Law” Art.  Ron found the tickets I needed and got them scheduled.  I do recommend that you try to purchase all your tickets through your fiancée thought because they get better price breaks.  I both called and tried to purchase additional tickets through PAL and Ron but found that Marissa could get the same tickets for 1/3rd the price.

I called Marissa and insisted she met me in Manila because I would be there for 2 days alone.  It required that I purchase two tickets for her and her chaperone, hotel rooms, meals, etc, and of course that her family allows her to come.  Turned out that there were to be college finals on that day that she believed that she could get early test for her courses.  Later it turned out that the tests were to be the day after I arrived in Davao.  All done and planned.

The days leading up to the event were excruciating.  Every worry a man could have came up.  I feared the worst possible scenario at every turn – I had been the definition of Murphy’s Law for so long I forgot how to act when Heavenly Father was blessing me.   I finally had to come to terms with these blessings.  The joy was beyond comparison and nothing seemed more important than our love and the events leading to our meeting and hopefully marriage.

The day of the trip came.  I got my daughter to give me a ride to the airport.  Good thing I checked the flight times because not was the flight to leave early it was at Hobby Airport not Bush Airport.  I told my daughter how happy I was.  She agreed and then told me about two dates she had coming up.  She was starting to accept the relationship.  She wished me a good trip and kissed me on the cheek.
The airport was exciting for a change.  Everything seemed heightened in detail.  I noticed so many people looking at me.  I was sure it was just casual glances but still they looked.  I must have had a smile on my face that made people notice me.  I also found out through a conversation with the ticket taker that there were several others on the trip from Houston to Los Angeles to Manila.  I noticed one very large Asian family, at least 23-24 members, all-flying together.  The flight to Los Angeles was a nightmare.  A man flying with his two young children sat behind me.  The oldest boy kicked my seat all the way.  At times he just decided to scream at the top of his lungs.  3.5 Hours of misery in a cramped seat.  Upon arrival in Los Angeles I had a 4-hour lay over.  I checked in to the Philippines Air Lines and went to the Mabuhay Lounge and talked with several Americans and Filipinas going to the Phils.  One guy named Chris was going to meet his fiancé, a Filipina of 36 years of age.  He met her through a neighbor and finally decided to travel to meet her.  There was one young couple in the lounge and later directly in front of me on the plane.  The Filipina clearly worshiped her husband and saw to it that every need he had was met.  He asked for nothing and got everything.

I sat beside Dom, a Filipino that immigrated to Los Angeles and taught ESL (English as a Second Language) at a local High School.  He had not been home in 35 years and was clearly as excited as I was to being going there for the marriage of a niece.   His wife and children had gone a few days before him.  His 23-year-old son had been complaining he was bored – I said to him I didn’t know how it was possible in a country of so many beautiful women that he could be so “bored”.  He agreed!  We talked quite a few times about things I should say and do, things to expect when I got here.  The flight was very long but I took some sleep aids and actually slept about 9 hours of the flight.

PAL Flight PR103 arrived at 5:05 AM, which was 1 hour early.  I hated it. I knew that Marissa would not be there at that time.  Dom assured me that she would be there but I was right – she wasn’t.  Again the worries started. I stared out the window as I waited for my luggage to see if she arrived.  It was odd somehow I was one of the 1st off the plane and when luggage started coming through mine was first but I was one of the very last to leave?  I walked the line of peoples waiting several times while Dom watched my luggage.  Soon Dom’s family arrived, I said goodbye to him and bye to Chris and I still waited.  Then out of the corner of my eye I saw this vibrant red blouse attached to this gorgeous smiling Filipina that was running towards me.  Bear! She yelled!  Everyone was watching us of course but I couldn’t take my eyes off her.  She hugged me and kissed me on the cheek.  I guess somehow I noticed that she had her two cousins with her, Joyal and Doung, as I was lead to a cab.  I began to wonder where the Palma’s were?  They were supposed to meet me as well but I was told that they called and said they had a flat tire.  Honey’s cousin told me that they wanted to stay at a hotel by the Glorietta Mall instead of way out where the Palma’s lived.  I agreed.

Finally we were on our way to the hotel and I looked at Marissa and she smiled.  I leaned down and told her how happy I was and that she was much more beautiful that I had expected and I had expected a lot.  She blushed.  I was in love again.  She’s done that to me so many times – making me fall in love with her over and over and over.  I even wrote that in a letter to her parents a couple of months ago.  “I fell in love with your daughter – well actually, I fell in love with her several times”, I said.  She told me that they really smiled when they read that.  Now she was smiling at me and that warmth of love poured over me and I was falling in love all over again.  I cannot count the times I have fallin’ in love in the last 5 days (at the time of this writing).
Manila was not what I expected.  It was humongous but there were 30 buildings that were not completed.  40-50 Story towers that were shells only.  Art Palma told me that it was from the financial crisis of 1997.  All construction projects were foreclosed on then.  There were lots of people literally living in the streets.  I had not expected that.  At the same time though as we went to SM (Shoe Mart – like Wal-Mart) the store was packed to the walls with customers.  So was Glorietta Mall.  The air smelled of burnt paper but no one else seemed to notice it but me.  A lot of people walked around holding handkerchiefs over their mouths.  Nearly everyone wore blue jeans or some color of jean.  A few wore nicer clothes – clearly a sign of status.  I attempted to purchase a nice pants suit at one point for Marissa but she said that she would have no place to wear it.

Joyal was supposed to be our chaperone.  She was the best chaperone I ever had.  Only time I saw her was when I wanted to.  She helped us get around Manila when we had someplace to go then disappeared again.  Marissa and I had plenty of time to get to know each other without the concern of PDA’s being observed.

We all slept in one hotel room.  I was actually very embarrassed about the situation at first but was able to separate the beds with a partition.  I had the laptop I bought for Marissa with me with over 600 songs I downloaded from Napster on it.  I turned on WinAmp and we listened to Christmas music and love songs all night. 

It seems that I would never get to sleep though.  Everything was early.  The time to be at the Embassy was 7:30 Am so we had to get up early.  The plane left for Davao at 5:10 AM so we had to awake early.  I didn’t get a good night sleep until Tuesday night.  Marissa had to go to college for finals so I slept in.  I really needed the rest but like the song “I don’t want to miss a thing”.

Meeting her parents and family was a breeze.  Everyone stayed home from school to meet me and her Dad didn’t have a job for the day.  I brought presents for the whole family.  I gave her father a good craftsman pocket tool, her mother some biscuits (chocolate variety), each of the brothers a University of Texas Longhorns sleeveless t-shirt and one for her sister as well, but with sleeves.  The youngest two boys got stickers and “bears”.  I brought 6 sacks of candy (they ate all of it and didn’t give me any!).  I gave Marissa a planner. 

Asking her father to marry her didn’t happen.  I think?  We did start talking about it and I intended to and tried too but instead we found ourselves at the city offices, applying for the licenses necessary and her father coming along to sign.  I had planned on saying something cute and remember-able but I was robbed!!!  I did kneel before Marissa and tell her that I wasn’t going to ask her to marry me because she belonged to me I was just going to marry her and make her as happy as Heavenly Father would allow me too.  I told her that I would never hurt her intentionally, yell at her or hit her and that if she did something that required I react would tickle her.  I only wanted to love her and make her happy.  I got a wonderful hug and “I love you”. 

For those of you who know about crab mentality it is alive and well in the Phils.  For those of you who do not know I will explain.  If you put one crab in a bucket it will get out. By clawing and struggling till it succeeds.  But if you put two crabs in one bucket the other will always prevent the other from climbing out of the bucket by pulling them back in.  Marissa’s college is like the crabs.  Marissa was on a full scholarship in Accountancy.  But the scholarship contract said that if she married she would have to reimburse the school for the costs.  Ok.  I can understand that part.  But the thing that I do not understand is that why did they make her work 14 -16 hours a day, 7 days a week and not pay her for it and think that she owed them for anything?  We received a bill for P12051.23 tuition costs.  I was very angry but I tried not to show it.  I didn’t bring a lot of money because of the many things occurring back home and to have to take so much out for a slavery school ticked me off.  I told Marissa to tell them that they would receive a bill for her labor and that I would not assist her brothers and sister in going to school if they went to that college.  I also told her that she would need to transfer to the other college here in Davao.  I know that her cum laude degree meant a lot to her but I didn’t see rewarding the crab mentality and I get very defensive when someone does something that hurts her.  This school had allowed other co-workers to take unfair advantage of her, teachers to be unkind and intolerant when she complained about the unfair treatment and forced her to work excessively long hours that did not allow her to go to church on Sundays.  I will not support that.

I think getting the papers for the marriage license is a joke.  I think it just provides people with a bureaucracy of jobs and needless interference in people’s lives.  Marissa and I will have to take “Family planning” courses before anyone will allow the ten-day waiting period to begin.  I thought the questions they asked were rude and intrusive.  This means missing more school at final time that means more make ups which means more time we cannot be together.  GGGGRRRRRrrrrrrrrr!

Parties.  Yes it is Christmas time. And there are parties.  We have one all night party to go to on Friday with Marissa’s college friends and one of the teachers from the school invited us to one Thursday night plus tonight I have one at Marissa’s house to meet more of her family.